January 13th and 14th at the beloved Musicbox Theatre will feature Crispin Hellion Glover performing “live dramatic narration of his books.”  Illustrations will be projected behind the reading, and it will be followed by screenings of his various films.

Let me say at this point that I love me some Crispin Glover.  At least… in theory.  Let me explain.  The first time I ventured to the Musicbox to see him live and in person it was to witness him narrating Guy Maddin’s 2006 silent film Brand Upon the Brain!  A film which featured, among other things, an 11-piece orchestra, a castratti, and live sound effect.  Sounds great?  Yes, it does!  And yet, why is it that all I can really remember of the event is feeling the hairs on the back of my neck stand up and a rising sense of needing to run away as Crispin Glover screamed “ROMANIA!!” at the top of his lungs (did you know his voice goes to 11?  True.) about twenty thousand times, seemingly right at me.

Sure, maybe this was because, during the show, I developed a 103 degree fever and when I discovered it was raining cats and dogs outside and I had on only a t-shirt, skirt and flip flops, I also learned just how difficult walking, nay EXISTING, can be under these kind of challenges.  It was, literally, one of the worst afternoones of my life.  I have felt worst, but at that moment I felt pretty darn bad in every way.

I can’t help but think this was somehow just all the effect of meeting Crispin Glover in person.  His smile is boyishly charming and yet has the sense of a thin mask of sanity overlaid upon a roiling black hole of chaos and booming, evil laughter.

So, sure, most of us have seen his interview with David Letterman in 1987, right?  You know, the one where he’s the craziest person in the world and tries to kick David in the head?

Well, did you ever see his follow-up interview where he tries to claim that wasn’t even him??

I will add that I think both of these interview “personalities” are some performance art stunt he was pulling for the day.  Each word, each awkward gesture, planned.  He’s just that guy.  And you will get that sense, just like I did, if you see him in person.

So, go to this event at the Musicbox.  Or run away from it before you develop sweaty delirium.  Either way, you will never forget it.  I never did.  I won’t even tell you what the movies to be screened are, you can find that out for yourself.  I’m just saying… naked woman in a monkey mask jerking off a guy with severe cerebral palsy.  Decide now if that’s your bag or not.  You won’t want to find out you were wrong later.